The Scariest Movie Ever Made

The Scariest Movie Ever Made

-September 23rd, 2008 by Scott Urmson

I remember when I was in middle school. It was around that time when I heard on multiple occasions a rumor about a movie that was considered the scariest movie ever made. It was said that one man experienced his own demise by way of heart attack as a result of watching it. I had no idea what the movie was called or where to look for it, but it deeply intrigued me.

After a year or two, the scariest of all movies popped back up in conversation with friends. I don't remember how or who exactly, but this time, I got a little more information out of a friend. The movie had subliminal imagery embedded within it that enhanced the absolute horror of watching it. These practices resulted in the country banning the film, but it could still be acquired. I can still recall what my imagination mustered up in my mind at this news. I thought of it as some sort of abstract art piece. A sort of psychedelic visual journey of horrific imagery, completely lacking any sort of structural plotlines. This way, it would completely shatter the concrete foothold of the mind. Perspectives of time and space would become altered enough that you forget where you are, how long you've been there, and even perhaps who you are.

At last, I caught the title and where it can be found: Blockbuster Video—my favorite place as a kid. Right away, my mental image was nullified when I found out it was made in the 50's and did have a typical horror movie plot. No psychedelic CGI journey in this movie. I was still eager to watch it, since it did say on the cover that it was banned by the U.S. government. It might not have been what I originally imagined it would be, but it's still got to be good,right? I was too young to understand that movies banned in a country wouldn't be readily available at a major chain video rental store. Still convinced I was about to watch the scariest movie in my life, I rented it and brought it home and popped it in my VCR.

Terror In The Haunted House (1958), was not banned by the U.S. government, but the film's gimmick, Psycho-rama, was. You see, at a couple dozen parts of the movie, certain subliminal images would flash on the screen for 1/1000th of a second, inducing different emotions in the viewer. As I watched for the first time, I was confused when I could actually see the images as they flashed. Obviously, a film running at 24 frames per second, it's not going to be truly subliminal. Not being able to help myself at that point, I spend the rest of the time watching the movie rewinding and pausing on all the "heart-attack-inducing" visuals. I was quickly realizing what a piece of shit movie this was.

The subliminals where terrible. There was nothing subtle or subliminal when you watch the film and a giant colorful children's drawing of a bat or a snake flashes obnoxiously on the screen. You're talking about a black and white movie with heavily contrasting, full-color 3rd grader drawings blurting up for 1/24th of a second and calling that subliminal. These looked exactly like the tame cardboard cut-out skeleton decorations your grade-schooler would bring home during Halloween. Drawn with the standard 8-pack of Crayola. At one point, the screen blasted a phrase similar to something like, "Scream bloody muuuurder!", right before something probably tame happened. In the last quarter of the movie, the video distributor Rhino Video, snuck in their own subliminal which simply stated, "Rent Rhino Videos Every Day!" Suffice to say, I didn't do either.

I was so fucking disappointed at this movie. Here I thought I was going to experience something truly mind-altering and reality scrambling without the use of prohibited substances or being told I was adopted. If you really want to know how bad this movie sucked, while doing a little research on the movie as a refresher-course, I learned that this film to a degree influenced Evanescence. That's right; you know who's in love with this movie? Stupid Lightbulb-headed goth girl. They sampled clips from this movie in some songs and used the Psycho-rama technique in the music video for a song that I don't want to look the name up. You'd need subliminal suggestion to want to listen to that sad opera horseshit. It's like music for being at a wake. I should have known all along.

What I've learned from this, is that your imagination is so much better than what is fabled to exist. This movie was supposed to be awesome, but instead, you know what was? My mind's initial interpretation of what I thought the movie would be like. I can still keep those thoughts and concepts with me. In fact, I'm going to go write some Stephen King style horror out of them.